GETTING RID OF STRESS WITH LAUGHTER

 

Laughter is the Best Medicine

 

 

Laughing 100 times =10 minutes on the rowing machine or 15 minutes on an exercise bike.

 

Laughter also:

 

Boosts the Immune System

Lowers Blood Pressure

Increases oxygenation of the blood, which assists healing

Gives your diaphragm, abdominal, and respiratory muscles a workout

Stimulates the release of beneficial brain neurotransmitters and hormones

Boosts levels of endorphins, body’s natural painkillers

 

This joke is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

 This joke was sent via e-mail (author unknown). It’s a bit long, but more than worth it!

 

Dear Diary:

For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.  Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team, I decided that it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.  I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I’ll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear, which gave me great enthusiasm to get started.  The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress

 

Monday:

 

Started my day at 6:00AM.  Tough to get out of bed, but found that it was worth it.  When I arrived at the health club, I found Bruce waiting for me.  He is something of a Greek God, with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!!!  Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines.  He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill.  He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to him in his Lycra outfit.  I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.  Very inspiring.

 

Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.  This is going to be a Fantastic week!

 

Tuesday:

 

I drank a whole pot of coffee, and finally made it out the door.  Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air.  Then, he put weights on it.  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  Bruce’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.  I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.

 

Wednesday:

 

The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop.  I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.  Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.  His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.  My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster.  Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  He said some other shit too.

 

Thursday:

 

Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn’t help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.  Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells.  When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room.  He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine, which I sank.

 

Friday:

 

I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.  Stupid, skinny, anemic, little cheerleader.  If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.  Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps!  I don’t have any triceps!  And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the &*@*##$ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.  (Which I am sure that you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.)  The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.  Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

 

Saturday:

 

Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing him wanted me to smash the machine with my planner.  However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel!!

 

Sunday:

 

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank God that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun!  Like a root canal or a hysterectomy.